Battle of the hearts
by VikiCullen
Summary: Every year the hogwarts females get their chance to collect some hearts...the competition will be tough, the make-overs severe and the boys hotter than ever....Let the battle begin! R


**Disclaimer: JKR owns everything, I own nothing! Just playing around! Erm, I came up with the idea for this at the same time as I thought of The Hunting Party, so they're a wee bit similar, but nothing that would bug you! R&R!! Enjoy! :D**

"Come on, Mione, It'll be fun!" Ginny pleaded as she pulled the arm of her best girl friend pleadingly.

Hermione shook her head, making her dark brown curls fly around her face.

"It's mean and degrading" she stated and picked up her books from the library table, already knowing that she would consent to Ginny's latest idea.

Ginny ignored her weak protest and dragged her up the seemingly endless stairs of Hogwarts.

Once a year, one girl from each house was picked to compete in what they called "The Battle of The Hearts".

When wizards came to a certain age –usually around fourteen or fifteen- they were each given a family heirloom, called their 'heart'. When reaching the appropriate age –traditionally seventeen since that was the age of adulthood- they were supposed to give this heirloom to their beloved, to show that they wished to marry the girl. The witch had two months to decide if she wished to accept or not, if she did, the heart was kept and given to any future sons or grandsons. If not, the heart was given back, so the wizard had another chance to give it away.

Now, a long time ago the females of Hogwarts had found a way to entertain themselves in this old courting tradition.

One seventh year girl from each house was randomly picked and the four girls would compete against eachother, each doing their best to collect the most hearts. Some hearts-belonging to boys who were notorious for being perhaps shy or unwilling to spend time with the opposite sex- were worth more than others, this would be decided by an impartial judge, which was hard to find considering the major house rivalry. The judge usually ended up being a Hufflepuff.

The girls willing to participate in the battle-and their plus one girl friend- were to meet in an abandoned classroom during lunch-when most boys were guaranteed to be in the great hall-one week before Valentines Day, when most hearts were given.

When the girls were picked they were allowed to pick two and only two girls from their own house as their helpers, they would look around the school for bachelors and find out the other girls scores as well as helping the chosen girl to look her best at all times.

Hermione was panting when Ginny had finished dragging her up all the stairs to the arthimancy classroom. During the climb up she had decided that, hey, why not? It was a very small chance that she would be picked anyways and Ginny had riled her up with all the not so discreet jibes about Gryffindor bravery and pride.

Ginny pushed the door open and murmured an apology for being late.

All the other girls were apparently there, lounging elegantly on chairs, desks and conjured pillows. On the teachers desk sat none other than Luna Lovegood, apparently chosen this year's impartial judge.

On her head was a high top hat with pounding hearts on it and she was wearing a bright red dress with pink hearts on to match.

Hermione squinted when her eyes met the bright picture Luna provided.

She couldn't fathom what went through that girls head and really didn't even want to. That experience would probably make the teachers send her to 's.

Shaking herself out of her thoughts she joined Ginny on a big Gryffindor coloured pillow in the middle of the classroom.

She was fiddling nervously with the hem of her robe, what would Dumbledore say if he knew that the head girl was here, probably breaking a dozen rules simply by attending?

"Ah, so the esteemed head girl is here for the festivities?" Pansy Parkinson's high pitched voice cut through her thoughts like a sharp knife and she winced.

"Fuck off, Parkinson" Ginny came to Hermione's defence and gave the pureblood a cold glare.

"Ladies" Luna's voice drifted to their ears and every girl turned towards her, everything forgotten as they smiled excitedly at the thought of the competition beginning.

"All volunteers form a circle around me" she ordered and the girls complied.

She placed her wand on her palm and said clearly "One of this year's four Heart Collectors is…" the wand started spinning, then stopped with its tip pointing clearly on Hannah Abbot from Hufflepuff. She turned a bright red and smiled modestly at the applause and congratulations. All Hufflepuff females left the circle and stood outside it, looking on with rapt attention.

Luna let the wand spin again and it stopped with its tip pointed towards Padma Patil of Ravenclaw. Like the Hufflepuff's the Ravenclaw's left the circle.

Now only half a dozen or less were standing in a circle.

"The third Heart Collector this year will be…" Luna said and the wand started spinning for the third time.

Pansy Parkinson smirked victoriously and left the ring with her friends, flipping her short black hair away from her face.

"The last Heart Collector is…"

The Gryffindor girl's held their breaths as the wand slowed down and finally stopped on none other than Hermione Granger.

"No way" She murmured, staring horrified at the wand tip pointing straight in the middle of her chest.

"Congratulations, Hermione" Luna smiled dreamily and tucked away her wand.

"Now, all Heart Collectors step forward and name your two helpers" Luna said and turned to Hermione "Who are yours?"

Hermione instantly said "Ginny Weasley and…" at the second one she faltered, not knowing that many girls in her own age, since she only spent time with Ron, Harry and Ginny.

_I can't believe I'm saying this. _She thought with a sigh then continued "Parvati Patil"

Parvati squealed happily and clapped her hands together "Thanks, Mione; I'll be the best helper ever!"

"I have no doubt" Hermione replied with a solemn nod.

The others picked their helpers, Millicent Bulstrode and Daphne Greengrass for Pansy Parkinson, The two Ravenclaw twins Anna and Loranna Twist for Padma and Julia Densworth and Anne Rover for Hannah Abbot.

"All females that are not Heart Collectors or helpers are asked to leave the room" Luna said calmly and waited for the room to empty of disappointed girls.

"Every week you are to come to this classroom at lunch and show me how many hearts you have collected, if you have none you must arrive anyway so you and your helpers can write down which hearts are already taken"

The girls nodded their understanding.

"The competition officially begins tomorrow morning, you have several hours to prepare and decide on targets. Happy Hunting" Luna finished her briefing then left the room in a flurry of pink robes and flashing hearts.

---

Hermione paced angrily in her dorm, her hair sticking in all directions and clothes in disarray.

"How could you talk me in to this, Ginevra?" she asked for the seemingly thousand time that day and started another lap around the room.

Ginny sighed and stood up from her place on Hermione's bed.

"I was hoping on some adventure, since Harry defeated Voldymoron during the tri-wizard tournament life has been so boring!" She hurriedly added "Not that I wanted it all to continue in a year long war or anything, I just thought that some drama would do well and don't pretend that the lack of adventure hasn't gotten to you too!"

Hermione shook her head "What if Harry finds out?"

Ginny flicked her hair back and said "He won't, it's in the rules that no boy is allowed to know about the Collecting until after the winner has been chosen. If you tell, you get disqualified"

Hermione stopped pacing and looked at Ginny curiously "You're really getting into this aren't you?"

Ginny nodded fiercely "Of course, I've dreamt of this since I was a small girl and mom told me about this. You know she fell in love with dad when she decided to collect his heart?"

Hermione sighed dejectedly and sat down on the floor.

"But I can't do this, Ginny" she whispered "I'm not even pretty"

For the first time, Parvati joined the conversation from her bed, where she was reading witch weekly. "That's why you have helpers, Mione" she stated and sat up straight "Are you done nagging and ready to fight for all Gryffindor females' honour?"

Hermione pulled herself together after seeing her two helpers stubborn looks, they weren't going to let this go and she didn't really have a choice, if she gave up she would be more of a social piranha than she already was.

"Fine" she growled "But I refuse to wear a thong!"

Parvati giggled and put her hair in a ponytail then rolling her sleeves up "Don't worry…we'll be doing so much worse"

"Ginny, lock the door"

Ginny ran to the door and whispered a charm to keep everyone outside then turned towards Hermione with a sinister smirk.

Hermione started scooting on her bum towards her bed, where her wand lay.

"Oh, no you don't" Ginny leaped to the wand before she got to it and tucked it in her pocket.

Parvati withdrew her own wand and pointed it towards Hermione.

"Ginny, my beauty kit is in my bag, be a dear and fetch it for me, will you?"

Ginny cackled and did as she said.

For the next six hours Hermione's protest and screeches of horror and pain echoed through the Gryffindor Tower.

--

Everyone in the Gryffindor Common room jumped as a blood curdling scream tore through the air, coming from the girls dormitories.

Ron and Harry leaped up from their seats, chess pieces flying all over the place as they shouted "Hermione!" at the same time.

They –along with several Gryffindor males- ran towards the girls' dormitories, wands blazing and took three steps a time up the stairs when they realized their mistake.

The stairs turned into a slippery slope and all boys tumbled down in a big pile, wands sticking up in odd angles from the big ball of wizards.

A groan came from somewhere in the middle of the ball and the bodies slowly unfurled into several males lying on their backs or stomachs spread eagle, slowly blinking and trying to get up.

Ron rubbed his hand against his aching head and glanced at Harry who was adjusting his glasses and trying to pull Seamus up a the same time.

Another scream came from atop the stairs and all the boys looked up with apprehensive faces.

"Another try?" Dean suggested as he dusted his pants off.

The boys nodded as they once again barrelled up the stairs.

--

Six hours later Hermione stood in the middle of the room, hair tamed into sleek dark curls to her shoulders, in a summer dress and white petite heels.

Parvati had waxed every inch of Hermione's body, eyebrows, upper lip, arms, armpits, legs and…um…._there_.

Hermione was still walking a bit bow legged due to the pain.

Two hours had been spent on making her walk back and forth with Hogwarts a History on her head –Parvati smirked and said that the book had finally found its true purpose- while she was wearing different kinds-and heights-of high heels.

They had also done a crash course on flirting, though it hadn't gone very well since Hermione kept glaring at Ginny when she was doing her best Ron imitation.

Hermione looked into the mirror and couldn't help but go slack jawed; she looked like a whole new girl!

Her eyelashes were longer, thicker, her lips were glossy and plump, her cheekbones seemed higher and her legs looked endless!

The dress was tight but flared at the hips, showing her more than average curves.

"Come on, Mione, tell me I'm a genius" Parvati smirked and twirled her wand.

Hermione turned around and smiled dazedly, a bit shocked about her appearance "You're a genius, Parvati"

--

All the Gryffindor males –and some Ravenclaw males that were called for emergency help- were now standing below the stairs, looking worriedly at the now silent dorm.

"What could've happened, Harry?" Ron asked, his hair sticking in different directions from drawing worried hands through the red tresses.

"I don't want to think about it" Harry whispered and looked desperately around him for some sign of help.

Suddenly a voice came from behind the group of boys.

"What is this nonsense, you all know that no males are allowed into the girls dormitories!" McGonagall said and glared at the boys.

"We heard Hermione screaming and we couldn't get up to help!" Neville said and rubbed his hands against his face.

McGonagall's face turned sober-even more than it usually was-and she swished her wand, making the slope turn into a stair once again.

"Go ahead"

The boys-for the hundred time that day-ran up the stairs and threw themselves against the closed door, which caved under their weight and they landed once again in a big pile, this time in both Ravenclaw and Gryffindor colours.

"Hermione?" Harry's incredulous whisper broke the silence.

--

Hermione turned around at the big crash sounding when several boys-were that Ravenclaw colours she saw? - flew through the door and at her feet.

"Hermione?" Harry's voice came from the floor and she looked down.

"Harry, what are you doing on the floor?" She asked and stopped herself from pulling on the hem of the dress that seemed to short now that she was in the presence of several males.

The boys all stood up and suddenly the girls' dorm seemed so much smaller with all the tall, broad shouldered males.

"We heard you screaming and…" Ron explained then came to a screeching halt "What the bloody hell are you wearing?" he hollered then took of his robe and threw it at her "Cover yourself up, witch!"

Hermione yanked the robe of her newly fixed hair and glared at the red headed buffoon she called friend. She was _furious,_ how dare he?

She stomped her foot angrily and growled "I am not going to _cover up_, Ronald!"

"For your information I wasn't screaming for the reasons you thought, Parvati was…" she stopped her explanation and a blush coloured her cheeks.

The boys stared at Parvati "What were you doing?"

Parvati smiled and said "I was waxing her"

Some of the boys didn't know what waxing entailed and looked curiously at eachother.

"But where…" Harry began then blushed a Weasley red when he realized _where _they had waxed her that had caused so much screaming "Oh"

"Yes, Harry, _there_" Ginny said, unashamedly and smirked at the dawning looks of horror on the males faces.

"Now that we have seen that Miss Granger is indeed _alive,_ all males are to leave the girls dorm!" McGonagall's voice cracked like a whip up the stairs and in two seconds the boys had left the dorm and the door was once again closed.

There was silence for a moment, and then all three girls erupted into hysterical giggles.

"Indeed, Hermione, cover yourself up!" Ginny giggled and rolled around on the floor, holding her stomach.

Parvati took a breath to stop from laughing, but was still grinning like a lunatic when she said "Mione, tomorrow, the boys won't know what hit them!"

--

She fidgeted outside the closed door to the great hall, Parvati had insisted on them being late to breakfast, so everyone could see Hermione's grand entrance.

"We're going for the shock factor in your case, the boys have never really seen you like a _girl _before, except for the Yule Ball but that was a poor excuse for an attempt" Parvati had said in the dorm as she swished her wand and shortened Hermione's skirt _another_ three inches.

"Come on, I'll count to three, then I'm opening the doors" Ginny declared and started the count.

"One…"

Hermione shook her hair out of her eyes and straightened her shoulders. She had to remember why she was doing this, all Gryffindor females' honour was depending on her performance.

Parvati had shrunk her white school shirt so it fitted tight against her C-cup breasts and toned stomach, the skirt was shortened to a bit over her knees and she was actually wearing _nylon stockings!_

"Two…"

The shoes on her feet were a matte black with a rather high heel, but low enough to enable her to walk up and down all the stairs for several hours without a limp.

"Three…"

The doors were pushed open with a bang and she focused her eyes on the Gryffindor table as she strode with confident steps towards her usual spot between her boys. Parvati and Ginny trailed after her with triumphant smiles at the whispering that erupted at the sight of the Gryffindor Ice Princess walking to her table like a hot blooded female.

**Love it? Hate it? TELL ME! Come on…push the button…its right over there! You know you wannaaaa….**


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